It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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