I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
