my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
