Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
