How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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