She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
