hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
