you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
