I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
