were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
