I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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