How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
