It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
