I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm passing your future prison.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Omg I joined a choir last night...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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