I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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