Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
