Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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