I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
