You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
