Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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