Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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