The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
