My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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