WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
