I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
