Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
