Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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