Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
