I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
