why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
