I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
