we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think my moral compass just broke
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