brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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