theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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