DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
