never play flip cup with pint glasses
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize