that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize