Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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