I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
