So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dick very happy bro
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
