Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
