I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
