a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm like, not good at living.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
