o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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