I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
