hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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