I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
