I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
