so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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