i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
