Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
