So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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