What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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