guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I got inside last night via doggy door
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
