He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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