Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
