i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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