I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
