I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
