Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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