I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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