I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
