It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
