Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
