One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
