Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And then my night got REAL pukey
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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