We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
