the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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