It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
