you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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