My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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