captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize