First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
