who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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