I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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