i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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